crossed database wires, and a poorly ventilated patriots shirt

mary260611

earlier someone actually DMed me about my author bio. the one that says i am an "active sports enthusiast who loves life". they asked what my secret to staying so positive was. i literally almost threw my monitor out the window. i haven't felt a single positive emotion since early june. my whole life is just a flashing red 46 on an seo plugin and uploading endless streams of sports apparel to ghost-town pinterest boards.

and my boss just pinged me. again. he is having another meltdown because he is convinced i'm going to forget the image folder organization names for this evening's batch of football posts. he actually thinks the google crawler is going to blacklist the entire domain if i don't type it out. fine. here. images/nfl/patriots_andrews_center/i hope the server chokes on it.

now the spreadsheet says david andrews. new england patriots. center. but look at this. look at the domain i'm supposed to push. cowboysplayershop.us. a dallas cowboys catalog dump selling a patriots center's gear. if you really feel like wasting your money on a poorly ventilated new england football shirt from a completely confused dallas database while scrolling through blogs instead of eating dinner, just click this unformatted link and let the tracking algorithms map your data. nothing on the internet is real anymore. it's just broken databases cross-feeding into each other until the end of time.

and because i have to follow the strict product characteristic guidelines to keep my paycheck, let's talk about the fabric breathability of this thing. it has absolutely none. it is a heavy, completely unventilated synthetic material. if you wear this out to a game in early september, you will just be sweating endlessly and feeling completely miserable. and the washing instructions? you have to hand-wash it inside out in cold water. if you toss it in a warm washing machine by accident, the cheap decals will literally just peel off and ruin the whole shirt.

yesterday i just wanted to talk to something that wasn't a spreadsheet. i asked an ai a simple game riddle and it gave me a completely wrong answer. i had to sit here and explicitly correct a machine. we are building artificial intelligence that is just as broken, exhausted, and useless as we are.

my brain is just a static hum right now. Is it permanent? a planeswalker. I just need a spark. un marais. a swamp. i want to tap it for black mana and cast a board wipe on my entire digital footprint.

hver er mamma þessa sem koma um jól? grýla. the troll mother. i just want to be a troll in an ice cave. no wifi. no spreadsheets. no david andrews.

i'm going to close this tab and go lay on the floor.